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LAN: Let the Games Begin {Part1}
By CastorTroy
LAN: Let The Games Begin
Written By:
Len Pothier
Jeff Long
June 22, 2006
INT. APARTMENT – KITCHEN/DINING ROOM
This Kitchen is attached to a Dining Room, although the Dining room consists only of a basic table and a few chairs. The Kitchen has an over-sized Fridge, an oven that looks almost new, although not quite, a Microwave that looks as if it was the only source of heat in the entire Apartment, and only a few cabinets.
24-year-old JEFF LONG is standing in front of the Microwave eating out of a bowl, at first glance we may recognize what he is eating, but as the camera stays on the shot longer, it appears to be more of a mix of Lipton Noodles and Kraft Dinner. Jeff is 5’5, white, but dressed like a gangsta, complete with massively baggy pants, a white ‘wife-beater’ tank-top shirt and a metal silver cross hanging from his neck. 23-year-old LEONARD POTHIER is standing at an open Fridge looking in at the semi-stocked shelves; most of what is available would not be considered edible to the majority of the civilized world. Len is much taller then Jeff at 6’3, and wears glasses and a heavyweight black t-shirt with the phrase ‘Dammit Jim - I'm A Sysadmin not a Babysitter’ written on it. 'Dammit Jim' is printed in oh-so-spacey metallic silver, and there is also a cartoon version of a Star Trek: The Original Series Enterprise whooshing around for dramatic effect.
Jeff looks up with a weird look on his face; obviously this latest mixture hasn't quite worked out.
JEFF
God damn it!
Len pulls his head out of the Fridge partially and looks over at Jeff who has put his spoon into the bowl.
LEN
What is it?
JEFF
This damned Microwave, it never works.
LEN
(Sarcasm abounds)
Really? It couldn't be that you used water instead of milk in your little mix there?
JEFF
Well maybe...but the Microwave still doesn't work! It never works for me. Besides, there was no milk left, so I had to use something in place of it.
Jeff is taking his bowl over to the garbage and is about to dump it when their other roommate, 26-year-old CURTIS COATES, walks in. Curtis is 5’8, chubby, and has a potbelly from drinking a bit too many beers. Also, his clothes are way too tight for his bulging chubby-ness. Jeff raises his head slightly in a greeting gesture when Curtis enters.
JEFF
(To Curtis)
Sup, G?
Len meanwhile, has resumed searching the Fridge for food.
LEN
(in regards to Jeff’s
comment about no milk)
Yes, I've noticed that, what happened to all our food anyway? We just went shopping a few days ago.
CURTIS
Yeah, sorry about that. Had a few friends over yesterday.
Jeff is about to pour his failed mixture into the garbage when Curtis sees what he is doing. He practically breathes down Jeff’s neck as he looks directly over his shoulder.
CURTIS
Hey wait a sec man, whatcha got there?
Jeff looks up and back at Curtis, who is eyeing the bowl of food as if it was the Holy Grail and he was the Pope.
JEFF
Umm, just a mixture I did up. Didn’t work out as well as I thought it would.
CURTIS
Well giver’ here man, you know I love your mixtures.
JEFF
Yeah, but I don't think you'll like this one.
CURTIS
Come on. Stop holding out on me, man.
Jeff looks to Len and they both shrug. Jeff takes it away from the garbage and lets the lid close. He hands the bowl to Curtis who begins to eat it without even changing the spoon.
CURTIS
(mouth full, little bits falling from his mouth)
Damn man, I knew you were holding out on me; This is great!
Curtis turns and leaves with the bowl still in his hands. Len and Jeff are left just standing there, looking as if nothing unusual happened.
INT. ACHERON HIGH SCHOOL – HALLWAY
QUE CREDITS as the song ‘This is me in Grade 9’ by Barenaked Ladies plays low in the background.
Superimposed on the screen is the caption;
'Acheron High School, 1998'
Both sides of the student-packed hall are covered with lockers, with students of varying ages at the lockers, as well as walking through the hallway. Somehow a smaller, younger version of Jeff with a book bag on one shoulder and a bright red sweater works his way through the crowd; most of the people are larger than him by a fair amount. He moves towards the camera as the camera moves in on him until we are close enough to see just him from the chest up. His face is much younger looking than previously seen.
As he walks by an intersection the camera pulls back a bit to include MARK ABBOTT, who has joined him from the other hallway. Mark is a pudgy kid with messy blond hair, thick wire-rimmed glasses, jeans with the bottoms rolled up, and on his shoulder is a book bag that looks like it has been dragged on the ground behind a car for a few kilometers. Mark is wearing a rather large goofy smile, unfortunately Jeff's smile has disappeared and been replaced by a look of annoyance. Mark begins in without realizing how annoying he is, or perhaps he doesn't care.
MARK
(Voice sounding nasally and high-pitched as if he hasn’t been through puberty yet)
Hey Jeff.
JEFF
(Exacerbated)
Hi Mark.
MARK
Where were you this morning? Len mentioned something about hurting you when you get here.
JEFF
Got a drive over today.
(Curious)
Did he say why?
MARK
I don't know, he just said it out of the blue while I was telling him about this neat-o computer I built this weekend.
JEFF
(Realization dawns)
Ahh.
We pull back further as a much-younger Len closes his locker and rushes to join the two. Jeff notices the glare he is receiving as does Mark. Len is wearing glasses, but not nearly as thick as Mark’s, a plain gray T-Shirt, light blue jeans, and his bookbag is on both shoulder straps.
END OPENING CREDITS
LEN
(Extremely Hostile to Jeff)
So, where were you earlier?
Mark senses that it may be best to get while the getting is good.
MARK
Well, I…Umm…have to go to class. See you guys later.
Mark takes his chance and turns around, leaving the two to walk alone. Well, as alone as they can be in a crowded hall.
JEFF
I slept in and missed the bus, so my dad gave me a ride over on his way to work. (beat) So, Mark built a new computer over the weekend?
LEN
Unfortunately, yes. (slowly; fuming) Because you were not here, he cornered me and told me all about it.
JEFF
(Sarcasm abounds)
Yeah he mentioned some threat of violence. Like you could ever take me.
LEN
(Jokingly serious)
I've knocked you on your ass before.
Tired of this reminder, Jeff speaks slightly louder than he would like.
JEFF
I was standing on ICE!
Several people that are near give the two an odd look before returning to their own business. The two meet up with a younger Curtis, although he appears pretty much the same as his older self, with the exception of the large black jacket he is wearing. Curtis jumps right in with bugging Jeff.
CURTIS
So, Allison get your Pizza Pop yet?
JEFF
No, so shut up. I told her I didn't have one today.
Just as he says this, a locker door closes right behind them and the voice of the occupier of that locker is heard calling out to them.
ALLISON
(O.S.)
Jeff... Jeff, stop right there. I heard that!
The group stops when they hear the voice.
JEFF
Oh shit... (Turns to Curtis; pissed off) I'm going to kill you, Curtis.
CURTIS
Last I heard, you couldn’t even beat Len.
Curtis smiles smugly and Len laughs.
JEFF
Fuck you both.
ALLISON
(O.S.)
Jeff, hand it over.
Jeff finally turns. After a beat the others follow and we see ALLISON LUK. She is the same height as Jeff, skinny, wearing a tight red tank-top, and has her blond hair tied back into a pony-tail. She walks over to the group and stands in front of Jeff, holding her hand out. Jeff and her have a short staring contest before Jeff relents. Swinging his backpack off, he pulls out a Pizza Pop and hands it over to Allison, sighing heavily.
INT. APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM
The present-day Len is sitting on the couch watching ‘Free Enterprise’ when Curtis walks in and sits down beside him. After a few seconds of watching to figure out what it is, he turns to Len.
CURTIS
What the fuck is this man? Some kind of Trekkie religious experience?
Len is obviously annoyed by this interruption during what is quite possibly the best ever William Shatner Film not entitled Star Trek. He decides heavy sarcasm is the best way to deal with non-believers.
LEN
(Sarcastic)
Yes Curtis, all Trekkies are required to watch at least one hour of Trek related material everyday.
CURTIS
(Laughing; Thinking Len is serious)
Ahh, interesting. Wouldn't you be more into it if you had some weird clay shit on your forehead? What race has that again?
Len finally turns to glare at Curtis with a look so evil it could vaporize three cubic meters of Tritanium, which as all of us good Trekkies know, requires a complete discharge of a Type 1 Phaser all at once.
CURTIS
(Cont'd)
Oh right, that’s all of them, isn't it?
Len continues his glare until he gets an idea, and then his glare turns into a quick smile and he jumps up.
LEN
Great idea, I'll be right back.
Len rushes out of the room, almost knocking Jeff over, who is now entering. Jeff catches himself against a wall and straightens himself back up, and then walks over to the couch and sits down where Len was. He watches the movie for a second before realizing what it is.
JEFF
Wicked! Free Enterprise! I love this movie.
CURTIS
Shit man, not you too.
JEFF
What do you... (Turns attention back to the T.V.) Oh have they past the fight already? That part rocked.
CURTIS
Man, y'all have got to get out more. Go to some Keggers. Pick up some chicks. (beat) Come on, we still need to pick up our passes to get into the party.
Curtis gets up and waits for Jeff who is still just starring at the TV, which is now at the Mexican restaurant scene when the waitress first shows up. Jeff looks to be in a Coma as he stares at the waitress, and if one looks hard enough they may just see drool starting to form; he is totally oblivious to the fact that he is on a couch in his apartment, much less that Curtis is talking to him.
CURTIS
Hello?...You there?...God Damn Trekkies.
JEFF
(Monotone; not really paying attention to anything other then the T.V.)
I’m not a Trekkie…
Curtis leaves and a second later Len re-enters with Klingon Forehead ridges, a cheesy looking goatee, darkened skin, and cheesy battle armor with a tinfoil Bat'Leth. He obviously takes this very seriously. He sits down and after a seconds, Jeff looks over, expecting to find Curtis.
JEFF
Hey Curtis, we should pick up...
Jeff lets out a rather loud screech when he comes face to face with the Klingon-Len, who just sits as if nothing is wrong. After calming down and catching his breath, he continues.
JEFF
Where the fuck is Curtis?
LEN
Oh he just left. So what I miss?
The two go back to watching the movie, not caring about the rest of the world.
INT. COMPUTER STORE – DAY
Along the back wall of the store are two doors, one on each side, in between them is a counter surrounded by walls with a cut out area looking into the front. Along the right hand side is another counter with display shelves with the same along the left. At the very front of the right side is a desk and on the left is the entry.
Standing behind the back counter is Mark Abbott, who hasn't changed much from Grade 9. He is working at the counter, fixing a computer up that is refusing to cooperate. A chime noise sounds as Curtis enters through the front of the store and Mark looks up at him, and then back down at his machine.
MARK
(Still with the nasally voice)
Hey Curtis, what do you need today?
Curtis ignores him as he looks at the various displays, finally walking over and leaning on the counter, looking at the machine Mark is working on.
CURTIS
You going to the LAN party tonight?
Mark talks without looking up or shifting his work on the machine from Hell.
MARK
(Hesitant)
Um…I'm the one setting it up.
CURTIS
Oh, even better. Is there any chance I can bring in a few friends? We have stuff that'll keep those gamer bitches up for days.
Mark replies with complete sarcasm and an obvious dislike of Curtis and his 'friends'.
MARK
I don't think so. We will be just fine without your assistance. Now are you just here to sell drugs to my costumers, or is there something you need?
CURTIS
Well actually, yeah. I got to thinking, and well it seems my old Duron 1.8 won't be up to the challenge.
Back to his normal serious self.
MARK
It should do fine. I know that Len is planning on bringing his 1.3. Besides, you sell off that Duron of yours and I do believe Len will kill you before you can put the money in the bank.
CURTIS
Yeah, he is weird that way, but anyways man, do you want a sale or not?
MARK
Alright, what are you looking for?
Mark slides a price list encased in a plastic shield type of thing. Curtis briefly looks it over before returning to Mark.
CURTIS
Well, I wanna try out something with an Athlon, NVIDIA setup. So whatcha got?
Mark looks up at this comment like someone had just told the Pope that Jesus was married to a guy before he died.
MARK
You’re joking right?
Curtis, not realizing that Mark is an insane tool that actually thinks Intel is good, continues on, undaunted.
CURTIS
No, why? What’s wrong with Athlon and NVIDIA?
Mark roles his eyes at this latest comment.
MARK
Lusser.
INT. APARTMENT – JEFF'S ROOM
Jeff’s room is a medium-sized room containing a bed, dresser, TV, computer, and desk. In the corner is the closet which is slightly opened, inside we can see a huge pile of DVD and VHS movies piled along the inside back wall. Along the room walls are movie posters of mostly Horror and Action films but a few comedies around as well.
Jeff is sitting at his computer with MSN open on one side of the screen and the DOS game Alleycat on the other. Len walks up and stands in the doorway, looking in at Jeff. Jeff’s computer speakers are playing’The Way I Am’ by Eminem.
LEN
You know, I don't think that computer will handle the party.
Jeff is too focused on his own problem to listen, although he does slightly register the presence of another person, so speaks out loud.
JEFF
I can't believe it.
Len doesn't realize that Jeff is referring to something completely different.
LEN
Well you should have seen it coming; that thing is ancient. I mean you’re resorted to playing DOS games for crying out loud.
JEFF
It’s impossible!
LEN
Look man, it’s not that bad. We'll just head into the shop and get you a new one. It won't take too long, it'll just take money.
JEFF
She blocked me! She frickin' blocked me!
LEN
What now?
JEFF
We talked all night and she blocked me!
LEN
Ok, I'm so not getting this.
JEFF
Maybe it was an accident, yeah that’s it.
LEN
Hello? Anyone there?
JEFF
No, that can't be it. She had to put my name on her block list and click Ok.
Len, deciding he has had enough of this mystery, walks in and looks over Jeff's shoulder at the computer. Jeff senses the presence of someone right behind him, and turns his head to see who is watching, and ends up face to face with Len, letting out another classic yelp sound.
JEFF
Jesus G Dawg, stop doing that.
Len rolls his eyes.
LEN
So who blocked you this time, and how old was
she? Please tell me she was at least 15 this time.
JEFF
This girl I met online a week ago. We hadn’t
gotten around to talking about her age yet.
LEN
Uh-uh, so she was too young then.
JEFF
Maybe not, but it doesn’t matter now. She blocked me man, how can anyone do that? I mean it’s me! Maybe it’s because I'm too much of a bad boy.
At that exact second, his music in WinAmp changes from the Eminem song it was playing to 'When a Man Loves a Woman' by Micheal Bolton. Len just looks down at Jeff with a 'WTF' look on his face. He then looks at the screen and sees that Jeff’s Personal Message on MSN has changed to the song title. He points it out to Jeff.
LEN
Perhaps that can solve your little mystery?
Jeff looks at the screen where Len is indicating. After seeing it, his head flops down to the desk, slamming his forehead on the edge. He remains in this position.
JEFF
That fuckin’ no talent ass-clown.
LEN
Well, at least you learned that much finally.
Len turns and starts to leave. As he is going, he talks over his shoulder.
LEN
Let’s go man. You want to get a new computer in time for the LAN party don't you?
After a few seconds Jeff raises his head and turns around.
JEFF
But Battlestar Galactica comes on soon.
LEN
Frak that. You have it all on DVD anyway.
Len has made it to the front door and has begun putting his shoes on.
JEFF
Yeah, but it’s not the same as watching them on TV with millions of other viewers.
LEN
Are you serious?
JEFF
That way, we can all share in the joy of the show together.
Len looks Jeff over, eyeing his excessive blingage – his three different chains and necklaces, his ring, and his earring. Jeff is finally making his way to the door as Len pulls on a Dale Earnhardt Jr. jacket.
LEN
You’re gay, aren’t you?
EXT. APARTMENT - FRONT ENTRY – DAY
Looking at the front entry as the two walk outside.
JEFF
And what car are we taking?
Len pulls out a pair of sunglasses and slips them on.
LEN
The 'Vette, of course.
The camera turns as they pass, revealing a hot brand new red corvette on the other side of the parking lot. The chorus from 'Life Is A Highway' by Tom Cochrane booms loudly over the B.G., as we move to slow-mo collage of various shots of the exterior of the car; Its shining red paint job, its sparkling crystal clean hubcaps, it's retractable top, and its hot black leather seats.
The slow-mo ends as the two walk over to it and we follow them. Once they reach it, the song quickly ends as they go past it and we see a mild condition 1986 red Chevette two door that has seen better days, but isn't quite out of the running yet. They climb in as;
JEFF
And you call me gay...
INT. CHEVETTE – PARKING LOT
Camera is in the back seat looking forward as they get in. The seats have a brown shag cover and the whole car is heated pretty well.
LEN
Hey, man...don't knock the 'Vette.
Once they are both in and buckled up, Len starts the car up and pulls out. As they leave the parking lot, Len squeals the tires just for good measure.
EXT. CITY – DAY – AERIAL SHOT
We look down at the city below. We see Len's car driving through the heavy traffic.
INT. CHEVETTE - DAY
LEN
We have to talk about Curtis.
JEFF
(Eyes going wide, talking with
heavy emphasis; agreeing)
I know!
LEN
Last month he paid his rent in loose change. All three hundred bucks of it.
JEFF
Yeah, and he never shuts up during movies. Can you believe it?
LEN
Ok, I think the rent thing is a bit more important...
JEFF
Oh, I thought we were just stating things about him that we didn't like. Did you know that there is a...
Len has seen all of the Great Joss Whedon’s Firefly episodes, plus he’s heard Jeff say it a million times before, so he knows where this is going and he finishes the sentence with Jeff.
LEN & JEFF
...special level of Hell reserved for child molesters and people who talk at the theater.
LEN
(mocking smile)
Yes Jeff, but don't you qualify for the first category though?
JEFF
For the last friggin’ time, I didn’t know she was 14! And she was the one with a huge crush on me.
LEN
Uh-Huh. I’m sure…
JEFF
So how’s Rhianna?
LEN
Ok, so back to Curtis then?
JEFF
(smugly)
Sounds good.
LEN
So what are we going to do about the rent thing? Obviously we need to confront him, but any ideas on what to actually do?
JEFF
Well, since he has to give his share to you before you give it all to the landlord, just refuse to accept it unless it's in bills.
LEN
Oh yeah, that's real smart there, Einstein. Let's allow him to stay living with us for free! The only reason I even agreed to let him live with us to begin with, was cause he was a good source for a third of the rent. We may as well kick him out if we aren't going to accept money from him.
JEFF
Then why don't we do that?
LEN
Jesus, you’re really named Pinky aren’t you? Can you say ‘What are we going to do tonight, Brain?’ (continuing on) Because then me and you will either have to pay more every month, or find a new roommate.
JEFF
But you just said…
LEN
(Cutting him off)
Forget your idea already! We aren't doing it! It's a shitty idea. There’s a reason that Brain’s always the one thinking up the plans!
JEFF
So what's your great idea then, oh great Brain?
Len is silent for a minute.
LEN
Hey look, we're there!
INT. COMPUTER STORE – DAY
Picking up with Curtis and Mark standing at the till, Mark is glaring at Curtis and the counter is covered in loose change; most of it in the Nickel and Dime variety although there is a large amount of pennies involved. Not so many Loonies or Toonies (1 and 2 Dollar coins for you Americans).
CURTIS
Is this enough?
MARK
Come on Curtis, you’re joking right?
CURTIS
What?
MARK
No way. Go to the bank and deposit this, I'm not wasting my time counting it.
Just then Len and Jeff walk in. Mark looks relieved and Curtis barely notices the two.
JEFF
(Whispering)
Shit, Curtis is here.
LEN
(Whispering)
He hasn't noticed us yet. Maybe we can just ignore him?
JEFF
(Whispering)
And you call my plans shitty? Let’s just get on with this so we can get back before Battlestar Galactica starts.
LEN
Hey Mark, we need to get a new computer for Jeff; Upgrade him and get him off of that Intel shit.
Mark's response is an even colder glare than he gave Curtis over the change issue, as he is in love with Intel.
MARK
(Coldly)
You know where everything is.
LEN
Well we were just looking for a pre-built right now. Don't have the time to build one.
Mark and Len go off into the back to see what is available, leaving Jeff and Curtis to talk to each other.
JEFF
So Curtis, what are you doing down here?
CURTIS
Trying to buy a new computer.
JEFF
Ahh cool, going Intel I hope?
CURTIS
It doesn't really matter to me.
Interrupting this semi-awkward discussion, is yelling from the back.
MARK
(O.S.)
AMD is shit! Intel is the original, man!
LEN
(O.S.)
Oh, you so don't know anything! AMD outperforms anything Intel has on the market!
MARK
(O.S.)
If you want an AMD, build it yourself! I'm tired of supporting that trash!
Mark storms out of the back room and goes back to the cash register.
JEFF
What was that about?
MARK
Len. He’s refusing to allow an Intel Processor into your apartment.
Len now appears from the back room, equally pissed off. He walks up to Mark and looks down right into his eyes. Mark tries his best to even the height by standing on his toes, but isn't able to rise enough.
LEN
That’s all you Intel guys do, isn't it? Use illegal methods to beat competition, and then walk away when you’re beat?
Making the foolish mistake of Interrupting a Fan Boy argument;
JEFF
Hey guys, I don't really care, as long as it’ll play my DOS games and the games at the LAN Party.
This last remark throws Mark off for a second and he forgets his argument, and looks at Jeff with and odd look.
MARK
Dude... you play DOS games?
Len senses an opportunity, and like all good Fan Boys, takes it.
LEN
Yeah, it’s about all Intel is good for.
Mark turns right back to Len and the argument resumes.
MARK
Hey, you need to wake up and realize that AMD is dead.
LEN
Just like Microsoft?
MARK
Hey now, Microsoft is the biggest software company out there. It’s the best thing that’s happened to computers since sliced bread.
Curtis senses something isn't quite right and jumps in, failing to learn from Jeff’s previous example.
CURTIS
Umm Mark...
Mark knows he has slipped, but like any Intel Fan Boy, he is unwilling to argue the issue on its merits.
MARK
Shut up.
Wanting to end the dispute so he can get home hopefully before Battlestar Galactica starts;
JEFF
Ok, how about we just get me a computer that can handle the party then?
Taking this opportunity to end the argument as well, Mark gets back to the sale.
MARK
I got a unit in back, $400 Pentium 4, Windows 2000, 128 megs Video, 512 Ram.
JEFF
Sounds good.
Len is angry at Jeff for siding against him, but relents to the fact that sometimes the ignorant end up leading the blind.
LEN
Fine, but if you have a problem don't come asking me for help.
Curtis still doesn't understand why Mark won't accept his pile of change.
CURTIS
What about my computer?
Mark decides he'd rather not get into it anymore.
MARK
Curtis for the last time, GO TO THE BANK!
INT. APARTMENT – JEFF'S ROOM
In the same shape it was last time, except now his old P.O.S (Piece of Shit) computer is sitting on his bed while he works on setting up his new computer. Jeff is finishing connecting the cords and sits in his chair as he powers it on.
INT. APARTMENT – KITCHEN
Len has moved onto checking out cupboards for remaining food after Curtis has had his friends over. After finding no signs of hope, he calls out to Jeff.
LEN
Hey man, this fucking sucks.
Jeff as per usual, is oblivious to other people's problems.
JEFF
(O.S.)
I know! I can't believe I let you take me away from Battlestar Galactica!
LEN
That wasn't what I meant.
Jeff responds to Len with his usual sarcastic defense style.
JEFF
(O.S.)
Oh, did you miss Andromeda? Now that would be a tragedy…
LEN
Ok first, it would be a tragedy. Second, I'm referring to the food here. We should have grabbed some while we were out. We should head out now to stock up.
JEFF
(OS)
Why not? I already missed Battlestar Galactica...
LEN
Ok, for the last time, you have the DVD’s! Stop bitching!
INT. SOBEYS
Jeff and Len are walking down the aisles of a grocery store, their cart partly-filled already. ‘In Too Deep’ by Sum 41 is playing quietly over the speakers in the store. During the entire scene, everything that Jeff puts into the cart, Len, who is behind him, takes it out to look over, and half of the stuff he puts back on the shelf without Jeff noticing.
LEN
Curtis should be here with us. He eats all our food but never helps get it or pay for it.
JEFF
We should get chains and a padlock for the fridge, and only me and you keep the keys.
LEN
Screw that. If we do that, I’m keeping the keys.
JEFF
What!?
LEN
Let’s face it, you eat as much as Curtis does, only difference is you at least help pay for it. By the time we’re out of food again, I’ve hardly had anything.
JEFF
Oh that is such a bullshit statement Mr. I-have-10-meals-a-day.
LEN
Are we still talking about you? Because that is so much more you then me.
JEFF
Yeah, whatev…Hey, why is the cart not getting full? We’ve been filling it up with all kinds of stuff. (starts digging through the cart) Like…hey! Where’s the bottle of purple ketchup I put in here? And the green licorice? And the Super Deluxe Gator Burgers! Where the fuck are my Gator burgers, Len?
LEN
Um, I don’t know. Maybe there’s a hole in the cart.
Jeff starts to bend down to look, but Len stops him.
LEN
Allow me.
Len bends down and we can clearly see that there is no hole in the cart. He stands back up.
LEN
Yeah, there’s a decent-sized hole in the bottom that we must have not seen when we got it. We’ll just have to be careful.
Jeff looks back behind them, the way they had just come from.
JEFF
But none of our stuff is on the floor back there.
Len looks back.
LEN
I guess one of the Grocery Clerks must have thought they were just knocked over or something and put them back on the shelves.
JEFF
That bastard. Must have been Darcy. I know that little shit has had it out for me ever since he started working here.
They start walking again, turning the corner and heading down another aisle. Part of this section is lined with dozens of different kinds of bug killing items. Jeff stops and starts reading the labels on them, putting a few in the cart as they go along.
LEN
What are you getting those for?
JEFF
Have you not noticed the ant infestation in front of the apartment?
LEN
Not really. I guess I’ve seen the ants, but I’ve never really thought about it.
JEFF
There’s gotta be a massive hive someplace around. I’m gonna find it and deal with it.
LEN
Why not just get Curtis to do it? It’s not like he does anything else.
JEFF
Yeah, like he would actually do it. He’d probably take the ant killing stuff and use it in his drugs.
LEN
Good point.
INT. SOBEYS – LATER
Jeff and Len are going through the check-out, the cashier ringing their groceries through.
JEFF
(To the cashier)
Hey Nikki, you know when I work next?
NIKKI
I don’t even know when I work next. I heard the new schedule is out though.
JEFF
Wicked.
He leaves Len at the register while he goes and heads for Costumer Service.
NIKKI
Get me one too.
Jeff reaches Costumer Service. The Supervisor is busy with a costumer, so he reaches into the area and onto a ledge. He opens up a bright neon orange folder and removes two schedules from them, returning to Nikki’s till.
JEFF
Here you go.
Jeff hands her the schedule and then looks over his copy.
JEFF
Shit!
LEN
What is it?
JEFF
I work at 8 tomorrow morning! Shit! I guess I can’t stay up too late at the party tonight. I’ll need you to give me a ride home probably at around 1:00.
LEN
We’ll see.
The sounds of someone being trained reaches their ears and Jeff turns to look around. He sees a new cashier being trained, a few tills down.
JEFF
Hey, who’s the new chick?
NIKKI
Oh, that’s Kaylea. She’s a good friend of mine.
JEFF
I should go say hello.
NIKKI
Jeff, don’t. She’s only 14.
JEFF
What? So I can’t say hi?
NIKKI
Not to her, no. I know where your Hi’s lead.
LEN
Yeah, straight to Jeff getting shot down.
Nikki bursts out laughing.
NIKKI
Hey Jeff, I like your friend.
JEFF
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; Fuck you both.
Nikki scans the dozens of bug killing items through and puts them in a bag.
NIKKI
Waging a little war, are ya there?
Jeff looks at Kaylea again before turning back to Nikki.
JEFF
Yeah. Ant hive. Tomorrow after work,
(Dramatically)
I’m going to the front lines!
Len rolls his eyes.
NIKKI
And how much fun are you going to have with that?
JEFF
(Excitedly)
It depends on if I can find my old toy army helmet and binoculars!
INT. APARTMENT – JEFF'S ROOM
Jeff has the computer running, although it has frozen up while he was attempting to load Alleycat again.
JEFF
Hey Len, can you give me a hand here? I was trying to play Alleycat and the computer froze.
Len has arrived outside the door and is leaning against the frame looking in and drinking a blue bottle of the energy drink Bawls.
LEN
I already told you, you’re on your own.
JEFF
Oh come on, man! Just this one thing?
LEN
Alright, just hit Control-Alt-Delete.
Jeff carries out the instructions without thought.
JEFF
Ok, what next?
Len has a smile on his face as he continues.
LEN
Look for 'Explorer', once you find it, select it and push 'End Task'.
Pleased to have found out the answer, Jeff continues on.
JEFF
Gotcha. Thanks.
The frozen game suddenly closes and Len turns to leave.
INT. APARTMENT – HALLWAY
The camera is at Len’s face level as he walks out to the living room. The kitchen is in view, and there are empty grocery bags littering the table. Suddenly we hear Jeff from his room;
JEFF
(O.S.)
ARGH!
Len begins to chuckle until the camera suddenly dips forward slightly then raises back up. We see a stuffed camouflage-colored dinosaur, modeled after a Raptor from ‘Jurassic Park’ fall to the ground in front of the camera.
We turn around just as Jeff closes his door, an angry scowl on his face.
LEN
What the fuck was that for?
JEFF
You know what it was for!
LEN
Fine then, say good bye to your dinosaur.
JEFF
What? Hey wait a minute, we can talk this through!
LEN
Hey, you’re the one who threw the stuffed animal.
JEFF
Oh come on, man! It was just a joke, you know ha-ha? Now can I please have the dinosaur back?
Len picks up the dinosaur and walks to his room and takes it in with him.
EXT. BACK ALLEY – DAY
Curtis is standing with a group of other people his age, on the dirt ground of a back alley between two streets of houses. Each of them is smoking a cigarette, with the exception of one, which is smoking a joint. The guy smoking the joint hands a bag of dope to one of the others, in which he is handed money.
DOPE GUY
Great doing business with you, as always.
And with that he turns and leaves, leaving the others – Curtis, DANIEL MARTIN, a large chubby guy with greasy hair, BRAD TURNER, a short and incredibly skinny guy with spiked hair, and JASON ROBIDOU, a short chubby guy that looks dangerously close to ‘hiding something in the closet’.
CURTIS
Man, this shit is going to be great. I love the stuff he gives us.
JASON
(Very feminine voice)
Wanna go smoke it now?
Curtis looks at his watch.
CURTIS
Nah man, can’t.
BRAD
Why not? Don’t tell us you’re getting soft.
CURTIS
Hell no. It’s just I’ve got this party to go to soon.
JASON
Party? Ohh, I like parties.
DANNY
Why don’t we know about this party?
CURTIS
(Slightly embarrassed)
It’s um, a LAN party, if you know what that is.
The group breaks out laughing.
BRAD
You are getting soft!
CURTIS
Fuck you. I’m only going as a favor to my roommates. They need a third person there.
DANNY
They’re such losers. I don’t know why you live with them.
CURTIS
Hey, how about you guys come?
They all burst out laughing even harder then before.
DANNY
Yeah, ok…
CURTIS
No, I’m serious. With you guys there, we’ll be able to put the Party in LAN party. Show all those fucking nerds how to have a good time.
BRAD
Well that does sound like fun. Ok, we’ll think about it.
CURTIS
Great. Well I’ve got to go get ready.
DANNY
Alright.
(Mimicking Yoda)
Go with the Great Bong, you will.
BRAD
In the words of my idol Jay, May the Snootchies be with you.
Curtis laughs with the rest and then turns around and walks away.
JASON
(To himself)
Look at that fat bubbly ass move…
EXT. APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM
The door to Jeff's room opens and Jeff walks out, putting on his jean jacket while Curtis is sitting in front of the T.V., drinking from a flask, his black jacket already on.
JEFF
Where's Len?
CURTIS
He's putting the computers in the car.
JEFF
Shouldn't we be helping him?
CURTIS
Yeah, I told him I'd be right down.
JEFF
Ok, so he just left then?
CURTIS
Nah man, I told him that fifteen minutes ago.
Jeff and Curtis snicker. Suddenly the phone rings. Jeff looks back at the receiver on the wall, but the phone is not on it. It continues to ring as Jeff rushes through the apartment, looking for it. He searches on the counters, by the T.V., around the couch, and in the porch.
JEFF
Curtis, do you know where the phone is?
CURTIS
(Shrugging)
Nah.
Jeff continues to search, following the source of the ringing right into Curtis' room.
INT. APARTMENT – CURTIS’ ROOM
The room is so messy and piled with so much garbage, that the hurricane that hit New Orleans couldn't have done more damage. He finds the cordless phone on Curtis' un-made bed. Just as he picks it up to talk, the answering machine cuts in.
LEN
(V.O.)
Hi, you've reached the home of Len Pothier, Curtis
Coates, and Jeffrey Long…
JEFF
(V.O.)
Jeff! Only my mom calls me Jeffrey, and only
when she's mad.
LEN
(V.O.)
Will you shut up and let me talk?
JEFF
(V.O.)
Jeff!
LEN
(V.O.)
Fine, and Jeff Long.
JEFF
(V.O.)
Thank-you.
LEN
(V.O.; Sighing)
We're not around right now, but leave a message
and we'll get back to you later.
BEEP.
INT. APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM
Curtis hears Jeff's voice and the following conversation projected throughout the entire apartment due to the answering machine being on.
JEFF
(V.O.)
Hello?
GIRL
(V.O.)
Hey.
Curtis smiles and puts the T.V. on mute as he turns around to stare at the answering machine. He sips some more from his flask.
INT. APARTMENT – CURTIS' ROOM
Jeff paces back and forth as he talks on the phone.
JEFF
(Nervous)
Danielle, heeey.
DANIELLE
(V.O.)
What's up?
JEFF
Not too much.
DANIELLE
(V.O.)
Good, cause I need to tell you something. (beat)
I'm still in love with you.
INT. APARTMENT – MAIN ROOM
Curtis tries not to laugh as he reaches his hand into a nearby bowl and pulls out a handful of popcorn.
INT. APARTMENT – CURTIS' ROOM
Jeff goes as silent as his eyes are wide at the moment.
DANIELLE
(V.O.)
And I know that if we just move in together, we
can make it work this time. I've been looking at
apartments for us the last couple days, and I think
there's this really good one down on Torbay Road.
Jeff is visibly shaking in fear, sweat forming on his head.
JEFF
Um, actually, heh, that's very sweet of you and all,
but, um, I'm going away for a while.
DANIELLE
(V.O.; sad)
Ohhh, where to?
Jeff thinks for a second and then blurts out;
JEFF
Africa!
DANIELLE
(V.O.; Not buying it)
Africa?
JEFF
Yes. Yes, Africa. You see, me and my friends - Len,
and Curtis, and Mark - we're all going for a couple
months.
DANIELLE
(V.O.; Back to being sad)
Oh, I'll miss you, my little jeffy-weffy.
(Jeff cringes)
When are you leaving? I hope I can see you before
you leave.
JEFF
(Without pause)
Tonight.
DANIELLE
(V.O.)
So I can't see you before you leave? Oh, now I'm
sad.
JEFF
Yeah, so I've gotta go pack and stuff, so take care,
and I'll see you when I get back. In two months.
No, wait, three. Sorry, yeah, three months. Actually
I think we're planning on staying there until around
Halloween. But I'll call you when I get back. Bye!
And with that, Jeff hangs up before Danielle can say anything else. He quickly throws the phone back down on the bed, as if he just touched acid, and a cold shiver travels up his spine. Turning, he leaves the room.
INT. APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM
Curtis is smiling at Jeff when he enters. Before anyone can say anything, Len walks in from the hall, out of breath.
LEN
Curtis, you asshole.
CURTIS
Sorry, something came up.
LEN
Like what?
Curtis looks back at Jeff, a huge smile on his face.
CURTIS
Jeff going to Africa.
LEN
What!?
JEFF
Curtis, you asshole. (Turns to Len) Long story.
Short version – Not going to Africa. Unless
you run into my ex, Danielle. Then you and
Curtis are also gone to Africa.
LEN
But if I run into her, won't she know I'm not
gone?
JEFF
Then don't run into her! God, talk about lack of
common sense.
Len shakes his head.
LEN
Anyway…(beat) Let's get going. The party starts
soon.
Jeff is the first to leave. After he walks out the door, Len turns to Curtis.
LEN
Answering Machine picked up first again?
CURTIS
Yep.
LEN
So the entire thing is still on the machine?
CURTIS
Yep.
LEN
Sweet. Remind me to tape it off later.
Curtis and Len chuckle as they too, leave.
TO BE CONTINUED...
In Part 2, the LAN party takes place, Mark makes a major announcment that will shape the course of the rest of the script, and an old arch nemisis of Jeff's returns to town, but will it turn out to be as bad as it seems?
Be sure to read LAN: Let the Games Begin {Part 2} to find out that, and more.
6/22/2006 1:32:19 PM
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